I don't think we're ever meant to truly have it together,
but I like pretending that one day I will have suddenly changed everything.
I guess when things go bad it's hard to think about them ever getting better,
but then they do in the strangest of ways.
I find myself being grateful for the friends I do have,
Imaginary and real.
I still miss the old days,
And sometimes I wonder if I was ever really meant to exist in this time and place.
I can't help but think if everyone else thinks the same way I do.
Sometimes I feel alone in everything and that doesn't scare me.
Most of the time I feel alone in everything and that is the scariest thing in the world.
In the end, we are all alone when we die,
And I want to be able to tell myself that I lived my life to the best,
That I really am an okay person.
Sometimes I have strange dreams,
Sometimes I have nightmares.
More often than not I'm just glad to be breathing.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)"

-The Script, 'Breakeven'

"dylan went electric.
so did we.
but in my head kind of only.
nobody cared.
its hard being careless, even harder to be carefree.
i fight walls in hotel rooms more than i have ever slept next to someone in them.
tricking yourself into thinking you matter enough for someone to remember to forget you is the best kind of magic of all.
it is fast and hard.
ive seen yr world. ive breathed in it and written of it.
i dont care for it though.
i dont read your reviews or your clippings anymore.
i try not to obsess over obsession.
im lonely but like a cigarette. im always being smoked.
put to mouths and then put out.
my mouth moves faster than my head ever could and lets not even speak of the words at my finger tips.
they are never thought through.
they just come and come.
like light under the door.
sometimes poets speak with their fists.
trying to write my way out of everything.
it was simple to write "wouldnt piss to put you out" and "kiss her, kiss her".
its a bit harder to mean anything to myself.
its a shame that the days that are glorified are the ones i just wish would fade.
sleep on a curb. wake up with a smile.
dream of sometime better."

we all want to be so original
but we're all so un-original.

friend

–noun
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.
–verb (used with object)
6. Rare. to befriend.
—Idiom
7. make friends with, to enter into friendly relations with; become a friend to.
Origin:
bef. 900; ME friend, frend, OE frēond friend, lover, relative (c. OS friund, OHG friunt (G Freund), Goth frijōnds), orig. prp. of frēogan, c. Goth frijōn to love

Related forms:
friendless, adjective
friend⋅less⋅ness, noun

Synonyms:
1. comrade, chum, crony, confidant. 2. backer, advocate. 4. ally, associate, confrere, compatriot.

Antonyms:
1, 4. enemy, foe.

Word History:
A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amīcus "friend" and amō "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phileō "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frēond, the Old English word for "friend," was simply the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root behind this verb is *frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." Closely linked to these concepts is that of "peace," and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that. Ultimately descended from this noun are the personal names Frederick, "peaceful ruler," and Siegfried, "victory peace." The root also shows up in the name of the Germanic deity Frigg, the goddess of love, who lives on today in the word Friday, "day of Frigg," from an ancient translation of Latin Veneris diēs, "day of Venus."

I am free to do whatever I want tomorrow.
Right now I think I will spend most of the day in bed, writing.

I am writing again, for the first time in a long time.

Sometimes I make myself sick with how selfish I am.
I make every little thing about me.
I need to stop thinking of myself all the time.

Today is one of those days where I wish I never woke up.

"Rockstars are unimpressive. Kids with golden hearts who sing and smile for all the right reasons own my soul"
-Christopher Gutierrez

"Rebecca has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her."

Interesting.

-Yes I made it.

"I am only as free as you imagine me to be" -Ratatoulie

I just don't want to be obsolete.

"Wake up to despise a world I once loved
Why would you bring me in if you knew what youd become
Curse everyone and everything even the sun, Draw the blinds
I want to be tucked in and put back to sleep only like a dog this time
Set the sails
Drop anchor in the middle of a storm
I've got a conversation
And a bottle to keep us warm
Let's break it on the bow
as it sinks
hummingbird with hammers for wings
the swan doesnt remember the last song it sings
Take what you love most and burn it to the ground
the smoke in the air won't leave me be
All around
Count the embers tell me
They don't look like me
They won't sing to me
If I wake in the morning I only need two more miracles to become a saint
Everything I promised everyone I'd be I just aint
Bury me with my friends
At the crossroads of dead end
And oh all my old friends
Oh Yeah I hate them
Why bother make new ones too
Just more for me to lose
Put myself in this prison called life
Got a sentence of a lifetime
But I know the warden is god
And I could get paroled at anytime
the letter begins
Dear old feuds
Don't worry I'm headed
Somewhere new
I just hope they let me in the gates
i hope they dont have a calculator to add up all my mistakes
You can't give me any more time than I already have
And then they sent me a postcard from hell
"Wish you were here"
I'm getting close
The gps says were near
Got a key to a lock that doesn't exist
got a world on my back that i cannot lift
drink the world, til its forgotten about
I never know what I'm talking about
Don't care about anybody
But the ones that are gonna carry my coffin
Will my love be the same as I left them
Will my pall bearers be the same as my bestmen?
Tell my friends to forget about becoming famous
Not that it matters this junk is so goddamned contagious
Losing it and I love being lost
Dad, tell me which is worse
Your last breath in the worst city on earth
Or your last kiss from the lips you were built to love from birth
I'm so sick of the neon lights
But every dog will have its day
And when I get mine
I'm gonna paint this world gray"

This person will probably never know how much they move me, even when they never mean to. Words hold such a powerful meaning, and we're all connected in the simplest ways, we're all made of the same things, yet we are all so different.
I have a chemical running through my veins that will never help make(keep) me sane.

it's raining.