Yeah. I keep making excuses for you.
It is something I am good at.
The day you don't need them anymore,
Well that's the day I'll realize that I actually dislike you.

At the end of the day, all I want is to be loved for me.
Simple.

I can't be suprised.
It doesn't work.
I knew you wouldn't bother.
I know you don't care.
I just wish you could see that I want what you want.
Nothing else.
Nothing more.

Happy 22.
Old but so new.
Bad patch.
I hate the way you make me feel.
It's rare but it hurts.
We laugh so much that when we aren't,
I don't know what to say/do.
I don't know what life is without you.
I don't know how to fix things.
I don't know how to act.
I forgot what being a person feels like.
It's easier to pretend I am happy.
It's easier to pretend that I am a person.
No one need see me.
No one need hear me.
I will sit here.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

I can be so stupid sometimes.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I know you can't help who you like.
I know you do stupid things for the people you love.
I thought I was better than this.
Text message me through the day.
Talk to me when it matters.
Convienient for you.
Stupid mistakes.
Live through it. Learn from it.
Build, break, build, break, build, break.
It goes on a repeating cycle/circle.
I wish I could fastforward to happy. To future. To the end.

You make me crazy. The only type of crazy that you have the cure for. The type of crazy that would be cured by a hug, a phone call, a kiss, some acknowledgement of my existance, of how much I mean to you. You mean the world to me, already. So fast. I feel like one of those lunatics that everyone whispers about, that person that no one wants to talk to because they're batshit crazy and kind of freaky, yet deep down they are harmless because they just lost something they loved so fucking much that they no longer feel complete. I'm not complete. Every second you're not here, I'm not complete. It feels so weird. People say it's like missing a limb, but I can't say that it is, if you loose your arm you can get used to that shit, like sure, you get the phantom pains and whatever, but you can adjust, you can continue living, this feels like a fucking hole is eating from the inside out, I can't get used to this and I can't even say that I could adjust to this. You make me question everything I've ever said about love, about marriage, about life. You make me want to just make you happy, and that would mean that I would do anything, almost anything. I have limits and I think I am reaching mine. I'm going crazy. Batshit, insane person, crazy. It's not fun. And all of it is because I miss you.

I don't want to be in love with you.
I can't help it.
It is like a sickness that has no cure.
Something that is making me crazy.

Way to reappear out of the blue.
I'll be polite and I'll be nice.
Don't expect anything from me though,
You have to start at the beginning again.
I can't let you back in easily.
This heart is guarded for a reason.
It hurts too easily these days.

evolution evolution evolution.
I just don't feel the same anymore.

I remember when I was young, you were still around and I used to spend so much time playing at your house.
You came to my kindergarden, you came with her and them.
It was easter, so it was cool. We were all so excited to have you there with us.
You brought trays for the oven, flower, butter, eggs, everything we could possibly need.
You taught us how to make them, from scratch, from the beginning.
You let me leave out the saltanas and raisins.
You knew I didn't like them.
I remember eating it fresh from the oven, butter melted, warm to the touch.
It was a perfect day.
I remember you, so clearly.
I miss you.

Drama drama drama.
The interenet is a place that can always provide it. Almost in excess.
I suppose it makes sense that all the strong willed and extraverted people fight for the most attention, or some asshole hides behind some fake mask thinking that they are better than everyone else. What I don't get is the need to make anyone who is different, or anyone who doesn't conform to one person's ideals, feel like complete and utter shit, to break them down and bully them. After all, it is bullying. Even from behind my computer screen, all the way accross the world I know that you are nothing more than a bitter bully right now.
What I hope is that the person you are so eager to tear down doesn't take it to heart, because they are worth so much more than your jaded words. No matter how different they are.
I hope one day you become the person you want to be, because right now, I really hope you are far from it. Right now to me, you seem like nothing more than a scared, jealous, and extremely pathetic douche. Oh and nothing more than a bully. No one ever likes a bully.
I don't know where this came from. Maybe it came from the fact that I have been bullied myself in the past, or maybe it came form the fact that I hate watching people who are smaller and most likely weaker than others getting picked on for no reason, or maybe because I hate it when people rip someone apart for being themselves.
We all have a voice and this is me using mine to voice my opinion. I don't care if you don't agree, it is after all my opinion for a reason.
I just wish some people would stop being so fucking pathetic.

cross posted.

I'm way to attached to you right now. It's insane.
I'm going insane.

Parents.
They are those amazing people that gave you life,
That brought you into this world.
They shouldn't be making you feel like this.
They should be empowering you,
Building you up to be everything you can be.
Looking out for you,
Wanting the best for you.
I'm sorry.