We should put all of our awesome into a room.

Bottle that shit up.

It's amazing how quickly some people come and go from your life. Some important, some not. Some related by blood, others by memories. It all leaves a scar in some small way, no matter how important they seemed to be at the time.

She was never as close to me as she is now, but that is because she needed me and I was there. When she doesn't need me anymore, that's the day I won't be there.

He came into my life like a whirlwind, took me by surprise. He left as quickly as he came though, he never tried hard enough.

She was my side kick, then I left her in the dust. She wasn't willing to leave it all behind and I don't ever want to go back.

I used to see him every day, then we moved away. Now I can never see him again. It's like not being able to breathe. I still think about him way to often.

Sometimes I want to go back to when I didn't know anything but my own back yard.

Love fools everybody.

I honestly want this to be the best holiday ever.
I feel like it's all in your hands.
That scares me.
I think you hate me.
I hate me.

Yeah. I keep making excuses for you.
It is something I am good at.
The day you don't need them anymore,
Well that's the day I'll realize that I actually dislike you.

At the end of the day, all I want is to be loved for me.
Simple.

I can't be suprised.
It doesn't work.
I knew you wouldn't bother.
I know you don't care.
I just wish you could see that I want what you want.
Nothing else.
Nothing more.

Happy 22.
Old but so new.
Bad patch.
I hate the way you make me feel.
It's rare but it hurts.
We laugh so much that when we aren't,
I don't know what to say/do.
I don't know what life is without you.
I don't know how to fix things.
I don't know how to act.
I forgot what being a person feels like.
It's easier to pretend I am happy.
It's easier to pretend that I am a person.
No one need see me.
No one need hear me.
I will sit here.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

I can be so stupid sometimes.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I know you can't help who you like.
I know you do stupid things for the people you love.
I thought I was better than this.
Text message me through the day.
Talk to me when it matters.
Convienient for you.
Stupid mistakes.
Live through it. Learn from it.
Build, break, build, break, build, break.
It goes on a repeating cycle/circle.
I wish I could fastforward to happy. To future. To the end.

You make me crazy. The only type of crazy that you have the cure for. The type of crazy that would be cured by a hug, a phone call, a kiss, some acknowledgement of my existance, of how much I mean to you. You mean the world to me, already. So fast. I feel like one of those lunatics that everyone whispers about, that person that no one wants to talk to because they're batshit crazy and kind of freaky, yet deep down they are harmless because they just lost something they loved so fucking much that they no longer feel complete. I'm not complete. Every second you're not here, I'm not complete. It feels so weird. People say it's like missing a limb, but I can't say that it is, if you loose your arm you can get used to that shit, like sure, you get the phantom pains and whatever, but you can adjust, you can continue living, this feels like a fucking hole is eating from the inside out, I can't get used to this and I can't even say that I could adjust to this. You make me question everything I've ever said about love, about marriage, about life. You make me want to just make you happy, and that would mean that I would do anything, almost anything. I have limits and I think I am reaching mine. I'm going crazy. Batshit, insane person, crazy. It's not fun. And all of it is because I miss you.

I don't want to be in love with you.
I can't help it.
It is like a sickness that has no cure.
Something that is making me crazy.

Way to reappear out of the blue.
I'll be polite and I'll be nice.
Don't expect anything from me though,
You have to start at the beginning again.
I can't let you back in easily.
This heart is guarded for a reason.
It hurts too easily these days.

evolution evolution evolution.
I just don't feel the same anymore.

I remember when I was young, you were still around and I used to spend so much time playing at your house.
You came to my kindergarden, you came with her and them.
It was easter, so it was cool. We were all so excited to have you there with us.
You brought trays for the oven, flower, butter, eggs, everything we could possibly need.
You taught us how to make them, from scratch, from the beginning.
You let me leave out the saltanas and raisins.
You knew I didn't like them.
I remember eating it fresh from the oven, butter melted, warm to the touch.
It was a perfect day.
I remember you, so clearly.
I miss you.

Drama drama drama.
The interenet is a place that can always provide it. Almost in excess.
I suppose it makes sense that all the strong willed and extraverted people fight for the most attention, or some asshole hides behind some fake mask thinking that they are better than everyone else. What I don't get is the need to make anyone who is different, or anyone who doesn't conform to one person's ideals, feel like complete and utter shit, to break them down and bully them. After all, it is bullying. Even from behind my computer screen, all the way accross the world I know that you are nothing more than a bitter bully right now.
What I hope is that the person you are so eager to tear down doesn't take it to heart, because they are worth so much more than your jaded words. No matter how different they are.
I hope one day you become the person you want to be, because right now, I really hope you are far from it. Right now to me, you seem like nothing more than a scared, jealous, and extremely pathetic douche. Oh and nothing more than a bully. No one ever likes a bully.
I don't know where this came from. Maybe it came from the fact that I have been bullied myself in the past, or maybe it came form the fact that I hate watching people who are smaller and most likely weaker than others getting picked on for no reason, or maybe because I hate it when people rip someone apart for being themselves.
We all have a voice and this is me using mine to voice my opinion. I don't care if you don't agree, it is after all my opinion for a reason.
I just wish some people would stop being so fucking pathetic.

cross posted.

I'm way to attached to you right now. It's insane.
I'm going insane.

Parents.
They are those amazing people that gave you life,
That brought you into this world.
They shouldn't be making you feel like this.
They should be empowering you,
Building you up to be everything you can be.
Looking out for you,
Wanting the best for you.
I'm sorry.

You know when you wish you could be somewhere else?
I wish I was somewhere else.
I know if I was with him he wouldn't let me out of his arms.

Tuesday. I am both excited and dreading for Tuesday.
6 months.
I think I've changed.
I might have found someone else.
You might have changed.
I don't know about you anymore.

I don't sleep anymore.
We talk til the sunrises.
About everything and about nothing.
You make my head spin.
I mentioned being cold. You promised that you'd hold me in your arms until I fell asleep.
My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.
I can see myself falling in love with you.
So quickly.
So hard.
I just don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore.

everytime I hear that noise my heart melts a little.
I get butterflies.
I get nervous.
I smile.
I don't think this means as much to you.
I don't think you even really want this.
I think you're just having fun.
I want to let go of everything and have fun.

Almost in love.

Pretty sure you have me hooked so bad right now. It's only been three days. Fuck.

It's something like 21 days.
What the fucking fuck?
It felt like yesterday you left, with a shit goodbye and a whole lot of sad.
Now you're coming back and I don't know what to think.
Am I the same?
Are we the same?
Will it pick up again?
Or am I just empoying wishful thinking?
I hate complicated.

When you see my face,
I honestly hope it gives you hell.
I have to let you go.
Everytime I see your name my heart,
It skips a beat.
I need to let you go.
I want to move on.
You were never the one.
To you,
I was an option.
I was an easy target.
I was nothing.
To me,
You were the greatest possibility I could have ever imagined.
All I did was imagine.

So upset right now.
Hurt in more ways than one.
Everything is getting me down.
I can't, won't, don't, want to speak to you.
Just leave me alone.
I need a massive out right now.
I won't get one though.
I'm going to keep to myself.
I'm going to avoid.
Everything.

I'm not okay.
I'm falling back into bad habbits.
I'm feeling like the old.
I don't want it.
I'm going to try.
I'm getting on the front foot.

I don't know why.
I don't understand.
It doesn't make sense to me.
If this is the ONLY way you can see yourself being happy,
Then tell me,
Tell me now and I will walk away.
I will leave you be.
I know it won't make you happy.
Which is why all I am getting is silence.

Stop confusing me.
Stop being vague.
Either want me,
Or leave me.
The inbetween is killing me.
I want to go back to pretending that I am over you.

Sometimes I think it is bullshit for me to ever think that I ever meant something to you.
That I was ever anything more than another conquest.
It's been 50 days.
Not one word. Not even a hello. Not even a mention.
I've spent too long thinking about you.
For whatever reason I can't get you out of my head.
I want you out of my head.
I painted you up to be someone perfect for me.
In the end you just ended up hurting me like all the rest.
Every person I meet I compare to you.
Sometimes life is just not fair.
I wish you could love me.

I thought about you again.
It brought a smile to my lips.
Maybe you did me wrong.
Maybe you weren't who I thought you were.
Still.
You gave me an amazing night.
For all the right reasons.
In all the right ways.
I can still feel your kiss on my lips.

I hate waiting. Honestly.
I'm sick of being in an inbetween.
I need to make something new.
I need to be somewhere else.
I just want something to work out for once.

I had a dream last night.
You sent me a letter.
I thought it would change my world.
I thought it would make everything okay.
It wasn't what I expected.
You said everything I needed to hear.
It made no difference.
It didn't heal the pain.
I think this could be the end of you and me.
But it was all a dream.
You're still not here.
I still can't get you out of my head.

Stop. Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.
At some point.

We grow. We evolve. We experience.
We are shaped by the world around us.
Everything changes on a daily basis.
Sometimes greatly.
Sometimes barely noticable.
I've grown up, physically, emotionally, sometimes mentally.
Tomorrow is always a new day.
Always worth a shot.
Trying to never count anything out anymore.
It's a new way to think.
It's a new way to live.
One breath at a time.

Here's to new beginnings and being nothing like I imagined.
Better than before, not sure about tomorrow.

Today was a dream,
Tomorrow you won't mean a thing.
I'm letting you go.

I honestly think I could have fallen for you.
Fallen for you harder.
I think we would have been amazing.
It was so effortless to be myself around you.
I could have, should have,
honestly do,
love you.

The silence is killing me,
but at the moment music feels like it is making it worse.
Every song has a meaning that just brings me back down.
It's all about love.
It's all about hurt.
I don't think deleting you from my life will make this any easier,
but talking to you will probably just make it worse.
I need a distraction. Bad.