So upset right now.
Hurt in more ways than one.
Everything is getting me down.
I can't, won't, don't, want to speak to you.
Just leave me alone.
I need a massive out right now.
I won't get one though.
I'm going to keep to myself.
I'm going to avoid.
Everything.

I'm not okay.
I'm falling back into bad habbits.
I'm feeling like the old.
I don't want it.
I'm going to try.
I'm getting on the front foot.

I don't know why.
I don't understand.
It doesn't make sense to me.
If this is the ONLY way you can see yourself being happy,
Then tell me,
Tell me now and I will walk away.
I will leave you be.
I know it won't make you happy.
Which is why all I am getting is silence.

Stop confusing me.
Stop being vague.
Either want me,
Or leave me.
The inbetween is killing me.
I want to go back to pretending that I am over you.

Sometimes I think it is bullshit for me to ever think that I ever meant something to you.
That I was ever anything more than another conquest.
It's been 50 days.
Not one word. Not even a hello. Not even a mention.
I've spent too long thinking about you.
For whatever reason I can't get you out of my head.
I want you out of my head.
I painted you up to be someone perfect for me.
In the end you just ended up hurting me like all the rest.
Every person I meet I compare to you.
Sometimes life is just not fair.
I wish you could love me.

I thought about you again.
It brought a smile to my lips.
Maybe you did me wrong.
Maybe you weren't who I thought you were.
Still.
You gave me an amazing night.
For all the right reasons.
In all the right ways.
I can still feel your kiss on my lips.

I hate waiting. Honestly.
I'm sick of being in an inbetween.
I need to make something new.
I need to be somewhere else.
I just want something to work out for once.

I had a dream last night.
You sent me a letter.
I thought it would change my world.
I thought it would make everything okay.
It wasn't what I expected.
You said everything I needed to hear.
It made no difference.
It didn't heal the pain.
I think this could be the end of you and me.
But it was all a dream.
You're still not here.
I still can't get you out of my head.

Stop. Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.
At some point.

We grow. We evolve. We experience.
We are shaped by the world around us.
Everything changes on a daily basis.
Sometimes greatly.
Sometimes barely noticable.
I've grown up, physically, emotionally, sometimes mentally.
Tomorrow is always a new day.
Always worth a shot.
Trying to never count anything out anymore.
It's a new way to think.
It's a new way to live.
One breath at a time.

Here's to new beginnings and being nothing like I imagined.
Better than before, not sure about tomorrow.