Queen Of Hearts and Tragedies

2011-06-24T15:48:00.001+10:00

The things you do to help others.

And usually you get nothing in return.

But that's okay.

One day you can dream it all to come back full circle.

People tell me I'm too nice.

2011-06-24T14:48:00.000+10:00

2011-06-24T14:46:00.001+10:00

Sometimes I wonder if I am changing for better or worse.

Take breaks.

Write shit.

Build forts.

Grow up.

Stay young at heart.

2010-10-13T18:55:00.000+11:00

2010-09-16T02:17:00.001+10:00

We should put all of our awesome into a room.

Bottle that shit up.

2010-09-16T00:29:00.001+10:00

It's amazing how quickly some people come and go from your life. Some important, some not. Some related by blood, others by memories. It all leaves a scar in some small way, no matter how important they seemed to be at the time.

She was never as close to me as she is now, but that is because she needed me and I was there. When she doesn't need me anymore, that's the day I won't be there.

He came into my life like a whirlwind, took me by surprise. He left as quickly as he came though, he never tried hard enough.

She was my side kick, then I left her in the dust. She wasn't willing to leave it all behind and I don't ever want to go back.

I used to see him every day, then we moved away. Now I can never see him again. It's like not being able to breathe. I still think about him way to often.

Sometimes I want to go back to when I didn't know anything but my own back yard.

2010-09-01T13:16:00.001+10:00

Love fools everybody.

2010-09-01T13:12:00.000+10:00

2010-09-01T13:06:00.001+10:00

I honestly want this to be the best holiday ever.
I feel like it's all in your hands.
That scares me.
I think you hate me.
I hate me.

2010-08-31T20:49:00.001+10:00

Yeah. I keep making excuses for you.
It is something I am good at.
The day you don't need them anymore,
Well that's the day I'll realize that I actually dislike you.

2010-08-31T20:26:00.000+10:00

At the end of the day, all I want is to be loved for me.
Simple.

2010-08-31T20:22:00.000+10:00

I can't be suprised.
It doesn't work.
I knew you wouldn't bother.
I know you don't care.
I just wish you could see that I want what you want.
Nothing else.
Nothing more.

2010-08-30T17:53:00.001+10:00

Happy 22.
Old but so new.
Bad patch.
I hate the way you make me feel.
It's rare but it hurts.
We laugh so much that when we aren't,
I don't know what to say/do.
I don't know what life is without you.
I don't know how to fix things.
I don't know how to act.
I forgot what being a person feels like.
It's easier to pretend I am happy.
It's easier to pretend that I am a person.
No one need see me.
No one need hear me.
I will sit here.
Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone.

2010-08-30T17:51:00.001+10:00

I can be so stupid sometimes.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I know you can't help who you like.
I know you do stupid things for the people you love.
I thought I was better than this.
Text message me through the day.
Talk to me when it matters.
Convienient for you.
Stupid mistakes.
Live through it. Learn from it.
Build, break, build, break, build, break.
It goes on a repeating cycle/circle.
I wish I could fastforward to happy. To future. To the end.

2010-08-05T16:50:00.001+10:00

You make me crazy. The only type of crazy that you have the cure for. The type of crazy that would be cured by a hug, a phone call, a kiss, some acknowledgement of my existance, of how much I mean to you. You mean the world to me, already. So fast. I feel like one of those lunatics that everyone whispers about, that person that no one wants to talk to because they're batshit crazy and kind of freaky, yet deep down they are harmless because they just lost something they loved so fucking much that they no longer feel complete. I'm not complete. Every second you're not here, I'm not complete. It feels so weird. People say it's like missing a limb, but I can't say that it is, if you loose your arm you can get used to that shit, like sure, you get the phantom pains and whatever, but you can adjust, you can continue living, this feels like a fucking hole is eating from the inside out, I can't get used to this and I can't even say that I could adjust to this. You make me question everything I've ever said about love, about marriage, about life. You make me want to just make you happy, and that would mean that I would do anything, almost anything. I have limits and I think I am reaching mine. I'm going crazy. Batshit, insane person, crazy. It's not fun. And all of it is because I miss you.

2010-07-26T18:43:00.002+10:00

I don't want to be in love with you.
I can't help it.
It is like a sickness that has no cure.
Something that is making me crazy.

2010-07-22T22:45:00.001+10:00

Way to reappear out of the blue.
I'll be polite and I'll be nice.
Don't expect anything from me though,
You have to start at the beginning again.
I can't let you back in easily.
This heart is guarded for a reason.
It hurts too easily these days.

2010-07-16T15:02:00.000+10:00

2010-07-16T14:28:00.001+10:00

evolution evolution evolution.
I just don't feel the same anymore.

2010-07-16T14:23:00.002+10:00

I remember when I was young, you were still around and I used to spend so much time playing at your house.
You came to my kindergarden, you came with her and them.
It was easter, so it was cool. We were all so excited to have you there with us.
You brought trays for the oven, flower, butter, eggs, everything we could possibly need.
You taught us how to make them, from scratch, from the beginning.
You let me leave out the saltanas and raisins.
You knew I didn't like them.
I remember eating it fresh from the oven, butter melted, warm to the touch.
It was a perfect day.
I remember you, so clearly.
I miss you.

2010-07-16T14:05:00.003+10:00

Drama drama drama.
The interenet is a place that can always provide it. Almost in excess.
I suppose it makes sense that all the strong willed and extraverted people fight for the most attention, or some asshole hides behind some fake mask thinking that they are better than everyone else. What I don't get is the need to make anyone who is different, or anyone who doesn't conform to one person's ideals, feel like complete and utter shit, to break them down and bully them. After all, it is bullying. Even from behind my computer screen, all the way accross the world I know that you are nothing more than a bitter bully right now.
What I hope is that the person you are so eager to tear down doesn't take it to heart, because they are worth so much more than your jaded words. No matter how different they are.
I hope one day you become the person you want to be, because right now, I really hope you are far from it. Right now to me, you seem like nothing more than a scared, jealous, and extremely pathetic douche. Oh and nothing more than a bully. No one ever likes a bully.
I don't know where this came from. Maybe it came from the fact that I have been bullied myself in the past, or maybe it came form the fact that I hate watching people who are smaller and most likely weaker than others getting picked on for no reason, or maybe because I hate it when people rip someone apart for being themselves.
We all have a voice and this is me using mine to voice my opinion. I don't care if you don't agree, it is after all my opinion for a reason.
I just wish some people would stop being so fucking pathetic.

cross posted.

2010-06-24T20:33:00.001+10:00

I'm way to attached to you right now. It's insane.
I'm going insane.

2010-06-22T14:45:00.001+10:00

Parents.
They are those amazing people that gave you life,
That brought you into this world.
They shouldn't be making you feel like this.
They should be empowering you,
Building you up to be everything you can be.
Looking out for you,
Wanting the best for you.
I'm sorry.

2010-06-22T14:37:00.000+10:00

2010-06-20T00:08:00.001+10:00

You know when you wish you could be somewhere else?
I wish I was somewhere else.
I know if I was with him he wouldn't let me out of his arms.

2010-06-18T11:46:00.000+10:00

Tuesday. I am both excited and dreading for Tuesday.
6 months.
I think I've changed.
I might have found someone else.
You might have changed.
I don't know about you anymore.

2010-06-18T11:42:00.001+10:00

I don't sleep anymore.
We talk til the sunrises.
About everything and about nothing.
You make my head spin.
I mentioned being cold. You promised that you'd hold me in your arms until I fell asleep.
My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.
I can see myself falling in love with you.
So quickly.
So hard.
I just don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore.

2010-06-17T16:56:00.001+10:00

everytime I hear that noise my heart melts a little.
I get butterflies.
I get nervous.
I smile.
I don't think this means as much to you.
I don't think you even really want this.
I think you're just having fun.
I want to let go of everything and have fun.

2010-06-15T22:49:00.001+10:00

Almost in love.

2010-06-14T16:46:00.001+10:00

Pretty sure you have me hooked so bad right now. It's only been three days. Fuck.

2010-06-01T16:37:00.002+10:00

It's something like 21 days.
What the fucking fuck?
It felt like yesterday you left, with a shit goodbye and a whole lot of sad.
Now you're coming back and I don't know what to think.
Am I the same?
Are we the same?
Will it pick up again?
Or am I just empoying wishful thinking?
I hate complicated.

2010-05-06T00:06:00.000+10:00

2010-05-05T23:57:00.002+10:00

When you see my face,
I honestly hope it gives you hell.
I have to let you go.
Everytime I see your name my heart,
It skips a beat.
I need to let you go.
I want to move on.
You were never the one.
To you,
I was an option.
I was an easy target.
I was nothing.
To me,
You were the greatest possibility I could have ever imagined.
All I did was imagine.

2010-04-27T21:18:00.002+10:00

So upset right now.
Hurt in more ways than one.
Everything is getting me down.
I can't, won't, don't, want to speak to you.
Just leave me alone.
I need a massive out right now.
I won't get one though.
I'm going to keep to myself.
I'm going to avoid.
Everything.

2010-04-22T14:16:00.000+10:00

I'm not okay.
I'm falling back into bad habbits.
I'm feeling like the old.
I don't want it.
I'm going to try.
I'm getting on the front foot.

2010-04-19T13:49:00.001+10:00

I don't know why.
I don't understand.
It doesn't make sense to me.
If this is the ONLY way you can see yourself being happy,
Then tell me,
Tell me now and I will walk away.
I will leave you be.
I know it won't make you happy.
Which is why all I am getting is silence.

2010-02-26T11:27:00.001+11:00

Stop confusing me.
Stop being vague.
Either want me,
Or leave me.
The inbetween is killing me.
I want to go back to pretending that I am over you.

2010-02-24T22:41:00.002+11:00

Sometimes I think it is bullshit for me to ever think that I ever meant something to you.
That I was ever anything more than another conquest.
It's been 50 days.
Not one word. Not even a hello. Not even a mention.
I've spent too long thinking about you.
For whatever reason I can't get you out of my head.
I want you out of my head.
I painted you up to be someone perfect for me.
In the end you just ended up hurting me like all the rest.
Every person I meet I compare to you.
Sometimes life is just not fair.
I wish you could love me.

2010-02-22T17:10:00.001+11:00

I thought about you again.
It brought a smile to my lips.
Maybe you did me wrong.
Maybe you weren't who I thought you were.
Still.
You gave me an amazing night.
For all the right reasons.
In all the right ways.
I can still feel your kiss on my lips.

2010-02-19T14:13:00.000+11:00

2010-02-19T14:11:00.001+11:00

I hate waiting. Honestly.
I'm sick of being in an inbetween.
I need to make something new.
I need to be somewhere else.
I just want something to work out for once.

2010-02-19T14:10:00.000+11:00

2010-02-17T19:56:00.000+11:00

2010-02-17T19:45:00.003+11:00

I had a dream last night.
You sent me a letter.
I thought it would change my world.
I thought it would make everything okay.
It wasn't what I expected.
You said everything I needed to hear.
It made no difference.
It didn't heal the pain.
I think this could be the end of you and me.
But it was all a dream.
You're still not here.
I still can't get you out of my head.

2010-02-17T14:19:00.000+11:00

Stop. Deal with it.
You'll feel much better.
At some point.

2010-02-17T14:18:00.001+11:00

2010-02-16T16:59:00.002+11:00

We grow. We evolve. We experience.
We are shaped by the world around us.
Everything changes on a daily basis.
Sometimes greatly.
Sometimes barely noticable.
I've grown up, physically, emotionally, sometimes mentally.
Tomorrow is always a new day.
Always worth a shot.
Trying to never count anything out anymore.
It's a new way to think.
It's a new way to live.
One breath at a time.

2010-01-29T15:28:00.001+11:00

Here's to new beginnings and being nothing like I imagined.
Better than before, not sure about tomorrow.

2010-01-10T23:10:00.000+11:00

Today was a dream,
Tomorrow you won't mean a thing.
I'm letting you go.

2010-01-04T22:18:00.002+11:00

2010-01-04T21:30:00.000+11:00

2010-01-04T21:19:00.001+11:00

I honestly think I could have fallen for you.
Fallen for you harder.
I think we would have been amazing.
It was so effortless to be myself around you.
I could have, should have,
honestly do,
love you.

2010-01-03T18:26:00.002+11:00

The silence is killing me,
but at the moment music feels like it is making it worse.
Every song has a meaning that just brings me back down.
It's all about love.
It's all about hurt.
I don't think deleting you from my life will make this any easier,
but talking to you will probably just make it worse.
I need a distraction. Bad.

2009-12-16T23:09:00.000+11:00

2009-12-16T23:04:00.000+11:00

I want to travel the world.
Pack everything up and go somewhere new.
I don't want to so it alone,
But I don't think there is anyone I know that I want to share it with.
It's like I'm a half of something.
Food for thought.

2009-11-24T16:27:00.002+11:00

Friends demanding attention is not an endearing quality.
I'm all for the needing someone,
but every night is a bit excessive.
I need my own time too.
I need time to think.
I just want to get my head screwed on right so I can function.
I need some answers to thing that just won't move fast enough.
Waiting for mail is overrated.
Waiting for someone to make up their mind is like watching a clock tick.
Things need to move.

2009-11-12T00:42:00.001+11:00

Don't forget. I never said it wouldn't hurt. Ever.

2009-11-12T00:36:00.002+11:00

I'm feeling a little renewed.
I've made some good changes in my life.
Both physically and mentally.
I think I am ready for "the next stage" or whatever.
I don't think I could feel any more ready.
I'm going to take it as it comes and hope for the best.
After all, I can't control anything.
I should know better sometimes.
It always starts and ends in the same place.
The middle is always the blurr.
I love the laughs we all share, even if they can be a little forceful.
Tell me you love me.
It's what I want (need) to hear.
I'll move on in my own good time.
You can't rush a master piece.
Life is what you make it.
It is every minute that ticks by.
Every second you count down.
I think I am doing okay.
At least for today.

2009-11-04T21:13:00.001+11:00

And Yes, I want this to work out.
Yes, I want to shut my eyes, click my heels and make it happen.
I want I want I want I want I want I want
Another chance at life.
Another chance to live.
Another time to love.
Another moment to laugh.
I want to spend some time with you.

2009-11-04T18:29:00.000+11:00

2009-11-04T18:14:00.001+11:00

"From Now On We Are Enemies" -Fall Out Boy

'I just want to be better than your head's only medicine'
A downward spiral just a pirouette
Getting worse til there's nothing left
What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing?
'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees
(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it
A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing':
"I only want what I can't have"
'Heralded as a king before I had a birthday
With double digits
Fit the crown to my head but I was only a kid'
'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees
(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it
A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing':
"I only want what I can't have"
'I just want to be better than your head's only medicine'
'I'm just the man on the balcony singing':
"Nobody will ever remember me,"
Rejoice, rejoice and fall to your knees
(for a)
Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?
Oh, their faces are dancing
They're dancing til
Til they can't stand it
A composer but never composed
Singing the symphonies of the overdosed
A composer but never composed
'Singing'
"I only want what I can't have"

2009-10-25T21:06:00.003+11:00

everything happens for a reason
i have to keep telling myself that
i might not see it now
but there is a reason that it happened
life continues even when you want it to stop
the world turns
people laugh
people cry
we love
we hurt
it just keeps going
nothing lasts forever
but nothing ever really ends
memories are eternal

2009-10-24T18:15:00.003+11:00

I think I had another "life changing" event in my life today. They always seem to come around when you least expect it, usually from situations you wouldn't think they'd come from.
Today I went at saw Christopher Gutierrez speak for the second time in my life. The first time was 7 months ago, give or take. He's nothing special, just a normal guy who has lived a somewhat ordinary life, sure it has had many moments of amazing and what not, but he will be the last person on the planet to ever think of himself as anything more important than you or I.
His speaking today made me overthink things, and look at things from a different perspective. It even made me look back at some of the things that made me the person I am, those small events that we all close off and try to forget because lord knows we might not exactly be proud of them. He makes me look at those times in a different light.
I am a firm believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason" and what not. I do think that things are meant to happen and they happen for a reason. I think we can learn something from everything we do, sometimes it just takes a long time to realize the lesson.
So I am sitting here blogging, because the internet seems to be a massive part of everyone's lives these days. But I am seriously rethinking everything about my life right now, including some of the friends I have.
I guess I am at a "crossroads" or something, because I don't know where I am going or even what I am doing. I'll figure it all out, a little bit at a time.
I can honestly say that I haven't felt this way in a while. It's almost like I've hit a brick wall and it's time for me to make up my mind with how I am going to get through it. Do I break it down? Climb over it? Blow it up?
There are so many choices and it is hard to know what is the right one, but I at least know there can't be a wrong one. There can't be a wrong answer when it comes to making life choices, just a long way round and a series of lessons learnt the hard way.
Another thing that really hit hard today was being the person you really want to be. Living your own life deliberate.
I try to be the best person I can be, but I think that is a little different from living your life the way you want to. I strive to be the best and treat people fairly, but that doesn't exactly mean I am becoming the person I want to be. I still haven't decided what I want to be. Do I want to be a writer? A musician? A teacher? A doctor? What is it that I want to be?
I want to push myself to live this amazing life, but I always feel like I come up short because I either don't know where to start or think that my life could never be as amazing as someone else's already is. I critic myself in the harshest possible way.
I can feel the wheels turning and my brain ticking over, I know that I'll be thinking about this for ages, trying to get my life on the right track and wondering how it is that I, this small person, fit into the big picture, or even what my purpose is.

2009-10-18T20:48:00.002+11:00

I wish that you'd just bite the bullet and make a move.
Rejection is always painful though, and this holds us all back.
I'm not going to pretend like I'm not scared.
I'm scared.
I wish that wishing made any difference in the world.
I gave up on it a long time ago.
Doesn't mean I don't want it to happen.
It just means that I am distancing myself from getting hurt.
I always do this.
It feels safer.
I'm not perfect.
We all want love and to be loved. The truth is that it is all around us all the time.
Our family loves us.
Our friends love us.
Our pets love us.
Our version of God loves us.
Strangers love us.
I love the idea of us.
Sometimes I give up on thinking there is a 'Jack' for me, or a 'Sid'.
Sometimes I give up on ever thinking I'll be happy.
Then I remember that happiness comes and goes. It's not ever a constant.
When it's here I'm awesome.
When it's gone I'm in agony.
I smile at all the bright lights of the city.
They're the only thing I see at night.
The stars seem too far away.
I'll dream about how good we could be.
And I'll never live up to how hard I dream.

2009-10-12T11:28:00.001+11:00

he was in my dream last night.
i just need a moment where i am not thinking about anything.

2009-10-06T00:00:00.001+11:00

I wish you were here right now. Right this second. I want your arms around me.
I just want you.
Thanks for the text out of the blue. It restored a little faith from me to you.

2009-10-05T20:59:00.000+11:00

"When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched
as he tried to reassemble it.

And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist.

But Darling,
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere
deep in my soul
that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone.
Keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now I had sworn to myself
that I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning
when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof its not a dream.

You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.

I'm on my way to believing
And I'm on my way to believing"

-Paramore, 'The Only Exception'

2009-10-01T12:24:00.001+10:00

"Next time you point a finger,
I might have to bend it back and break it off,
Next time you point a finger,
I'll point you to the mirror"

-Paramore

2009-09-30T23:34:00.001+10:00

I'm excited for tomorrow night.
Hopefully it will be fun and I won't have to think about you.
I need the universe to stop telling me you exist.
Slow. Let's take it slow.

2009-09-28T21:29:00.001+10:00

I go from happy to sad or disconent so often I forget what it feels like to just to feel a stable emotion.
Life is so full on sometimes that I just want to pull the covers over my head and disappear into my bed/head.
I have this place I keep my thoughts where I don't have to own up to them. It makes them feel safe.
I pretend to be busy sometimes just so I can take a breath. Everyone needs to take stock of their lives every now and then.
The fact that you make my head spin is a good thing, but the way that I can't stop thinking about every little thing we do/say has me going crazy. Not a good kind of crazy, the crazy that makes me wonder if things are really happening or if I am making them up.
I haven't felt this way in a while, I haven't let myself. The walls always come crashing down.
Time's a bastard. We always think it's on our side, but then it all runs out and we have nothing left. I feel like there is a clock ticking next to my ear, reminding me of every second that passes. We never wait for those that get left behind.
Living in memories is living in the past, and that is where my head wanders. Piece together the stories of the photographs that line the walls, the people that pass on the street. I want to make memories that have me smiling when I am old and no one wants to talk to me.
Movies go on repeat to remind me of the way life could be, but never will be because there is no script, no perfect line and no perfect kiss. It just gives us something to hope for in the end.

2009-09-28T19:54:00.007+10:00

I want to not be disappointed. Please let it be something that I can use as an anthem of my life right now. I own you, yet I haven't listened to you.

2009-09-28T19:46:00.003+10:00

I'm sick of backwards forward ups and downs.
I hate that I haven't seen you in forever, I'm dying just for a hug.
The house is empty and I've never felt more alone.

I hate that I am falling in so many directions right now.
My heart wants me to go all in.
My head tells me it's not worth the pain.
I'm overthinking everything,
And I'm not so sure about anything anymore.

2009-09-23T17:30:00.001+10:00

Just when I give up you call me beautiful.
My head is spinning.

2009-09-23T13:19:00.000+10:00

"There goes my hero,
Watch him as he goes,
There goes my hero,
He's ordinary"

2009-09-16T12:06:00.001+10:00

Everywhere I look there is a God damn reminder of you.
Your name is drawn into the concrete.
It's like you've taken over my head.
I know I like you, but I don't want to be obsessed with you.
Give me my head back.

2009-09-12T22:57:00.003+10:00

I can't help but feel so content and happy right now.
I don't remember what it was like to have these butterflies.
I've had them before but I don't remember.
He makes me smile, but he probably doesn't realize it.
He makes me laugh, even when things are not funny.
Even being a friend makes me happy.
It's time to get back to liking the simple things.
just so I can remember how great all these things feel.

2009-09-12T22:57:00.001+10:00

2009-09-10T12:50:00.000+10:00

I'm just going to follow my heart.
I should have been doing this all along.

2009-09-09T17:11:00.001+10:00

This all feels weird.
This is not like me.
I want it bad, but can't have it.
Gonna have to sleep this one off.
Everything just needs a cold shower.

2009-09-01T20:10:00.000+10:00

sometimes I forget that I exist.

2009-08-15T19:28:00.001+10:00

2009-08-15T19:26:00.001+10:00

Does being nervous imply I actually care?
Or is it just because I am entering the unknown?
There are so many firsts in this life,
And so many things that you never care for until it is too late.
I think I have butterflies.
Everything makes me smile.
But that doesn't mean it is right.

2009-08-10T16:02:00.001+10:00

refresh refresh refresh refresh
just waiting for that lifeline to come and save me

2009-08-03T22:35:00.000+10:00

2009-08-03T22:32:00.001+10:00

Forever and Always
It's Only Half Past The Point Of No Return

2009-08-03T20:39:00.002+10:00

"Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the ice burg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breathe before the fraze
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touch so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breathe before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breathe and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?
Tonight"

-'Glitter in the air', P!nk

2009-08-03T20:33:00.000+10:00

2009-07-30T00:46:00.001+10:00

2009-07-30T00:45:00.001+10:00

2009-07-15T21:58:00.002+10:00

       "From childhood's hour I have not been
      As others were; I have not seen
      As others saw; I could not bring
      My passions from a common spring.
      From the same source I have not taken
      My sorrow; I could not awaken
      My heart to joy at the same tone;
      And all I loved, I loved alone.
      Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
      Of a most stormy life- was drawn
      From every depth of good and ill
      The mystery which binds me still:
      From the torrent, or the fountain,
      From the red cliff of the mountain,
      From the sun that round me rolled
      In its autumn tint of gold,
      From the lightning in the sky
      As it passed me flying by,
      From the thunder and the storm,
      And the cloud that took the form
      (When the rest of Heaven was blue)
      Of a demon in my view."

-Edgar Allen Poe, 'Alone'

2009-07-15T21:56:00.000+10:00

2009-07-15T18:41:00.001+10:00

head moving faster than my body
taking all the strength in the world not to scream
counting to keep my breathing even
don't panic don't panic don't panic don't panic don't panic

2009-07-15T18:40:00.000+10:00

2009-07-13T22:57:00.000+10:00

"I'm holding out and I'm holding on
to every letter and every song.
I pulled myself out of the day we ever had to meet.
Are you through with me?

So..

And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.

Let's Go!

I'm all ears and I'm all scars
to hear you tell me "Boy's like you, you try too hard
to look not quite as desperate". I'm hanging on.
But I still know the way to make your makeup run.

So..

And when it all goes to hell,
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face.

And when it all goes to hell, (Take this to your grave)
will you be able to tell
me you're sorry with a straight face. (I'll take it to mine)

And when it all goes to hell
And when it all goes."

-Fall Out Boy, "The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes"

2009-07-13T22:03:00.000+10:00

2009-07-10T00:59:00.001+10:00

you are not the sum of your mistakes, but the beautiful result of every success you ever had.

2009-07-10T00:30:00.001+10:00

I want to do nothing but dream tonight.
I miss remembering what dreams were made of.

2009-07-08T21:08:00.001+10:00

sometimes i am so tired i can barely open my eyes
i've been dreaming you up all day long
tossing and turning with sleep as my enemy
sometimes i get so tired i can barely keep it up

2009-06-23T23:40:00.002+10:00

I don't think we're ever meant to truly have it together,
but I like pretending that one day I will have suddenly changed everything.
I guess when things go bad it's hard to think about them ever getting better,
but then they do in the strangest of ways.
I find myself being grateful for the friends I do have,
Imaginary and real.
I still miss the old days,
And sometimes I wonder if I was ever really meant to exist in this time and place.
I can't help but think if everyone else thinks the same way I do.
Sometimes I feel alone in everything and that doesn't scare me.
Most of the time I feel alone in everything and that is the scariest thing in the world.
In the end, we are all alone when we die,
And I want to be able to tell myself that I lived my life to the best,
That I really am an okay person.
Sometimes I have strange dreams,
Sometimes I have nightmares.
More often than not I'm just glad to be breathing.

2009-06-22T19:06:00.007+10:00

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)"

-The Script, 'Breakeven'